Saturday, July 11, 2009
That asshole.

Chapter seventeen, that asshole.

'Can we patch?'
was his message.
I stared at the message.
Well well,
just cause he's so deperate and wants a girlfriend so badly,
right now he has no one to turn to,
and wants me back?
Oh so now that he's torn me up and shattered me,
he claims that he still likes me?
No way.

I mean can't he see how pathetic he is?
After breaking so many of us, girls' hearts,
he still went to ask Hellen for stead,
and now, me?
I bet if I don't accept, he'd go and ask another girl.
That, indeed, happened.
'Why?' I've queried.
'Actually I still like you.' He said.
Tsk. As if.
What a despo ass.
If he had really loved me,
he wouldn't dumped me cause one of his friends didn't like me,
nor must he go on looking for other girls.
Oh stop the game already,
playboy.'But I don't.' I replied bluntly.
This asshole better not bug me again,
I thought through clenched teeth.

The next day as I walked to school with Allen, Hellen and Carla,
Carla mentioned something.
I stopped dead in my tracks;
blood boiling;
fists clenched tightly.
'That bastard,' I said between gritted teeth.
Everyone kept their mouth shut.
I banged my fist against a tree.
'I swear I'm gonna freakkin kill that bastard,'
I practically hollered.
'That..' Hellen muttered under her breath.
'What's wrong?' I asked.
'Might not be such a good idea.' She said solemnly.
'But that bastard, he, how could he-'
I said, but Carla silenced me.
She looked away, then back to meet my gaze.
'Bastards like these are everywhere.'
She said; rolling her eyes.

'Screw him,' I wheezed.
Just cause he didn't want to face the fact that he'd been rejected for a patch,
he goes on telling his so called 'friends' that I was the one who asked for patch,
and he was the one who rejected?
Oh COME ON!
What a jerk.
I felt like stuffing his face in his butthole,
and make him suffocate with his smelly ass for all I care.
He pisses me off so much.
I just felt that I could kill him anytime-

'Haley?'
Allen questioned,
waving his hand in front of my face.
'What gives?' I asked, slightly irritated.
'Chris..' Allen continued,
while I just stared into space.
Chris..?
His name bounced everywhere in my head.
Chris, Chris, Chris..
My heart felt warm for once, literally.
'Haley!' Allen exclaimed.
'Huh?' I said, staring straight into my brother's face.
He slapped his forhead comically.
'He's asking you if you'd be interested to join his project,'
He said, making sure I was listening.
'Ummm sure.. What project?' I asked, slightly interested.

'Well, it's something like..' Allen said,
scratching his head.
Like..?

Back together.

Chapter sixteen, back together.

'Haley,' Alina whispered.
Curious as I was, I turned back to look.
Alina then dragged me a good 4 metres away from the cafeteria.
I shot her a confused look,
as I was lost for words.

'Hey, Chris wanted to meet up for lunch, whaddya think?'
She asked, with a gleam of hope.
'Umm, sure.. Why not?' I said dully.
She furrowed her eyebrows,
and placed her hands on my shoulders.
'Haley, don't leave things this way. Its so obvious you're suffering now,'
She said, looking into my eyes.
'Why not just make up with her?'
I bowed my head down.
'I just want her apology, is that too much to ask for; from the person who's the one at fault?'
I said, on the verge of tears.
'S'cuse me,' I said,
rushing away with my head bowed down.
Warm tears rolled down my cheeks,
and I swept them away quickly.

'Oh there she is!' I heard Chris exclaim contentedly.
I walked quicker,
brushing past Chris and whoever were with him.
'Haley..' I heard him utter,
but I didn't look back.
'Haley.' was Allen's voice.
Before I knew it,
I heard footsteps behind me.
Nearer and nearer it came.
I found myself running, too.
And I didn't stop till I got to the classroom.
Knowing there weren't anyone inside,
I crept into a small corner and rocked myself slowly,
weeping.

Allen stopped at the door,
peered into the dark classroom,
and cautiously closed the door behind him.
'Haley?' he asked into the darkness.
In a haste to hide myself better,
I accidentally scraped my knee against the furniture.
Clumsy klutz, I thought.
'There you are,' Allen said,
sweeping my hair to the side.
'Don't be so silly, make up with her already,'
he said, wiping my tears with his sleeve.
'Go on,' he said, jostling me to my table.
I fished out my mirror from my wallet,
heaving a sigh of relieve when I saw my eyes looked normal,
so no one could tell that I'd been crying.

Soon, without myself knowing,
I started writing a letter to Hellen, and placed it on her table.
As the minutes crept by,
Hellen finally came in.
she stole a glance at me when she saw the note on her table.
But I busied myself by sketching random things;
I couldn't bear to look.

'Hey,' She said, placing a hand on my shoulder.
'Friends?' she asked, stretching her hands towards me.
'Friends,' I confirmed,
slapping my hand on hers.
'Hey!' She screamed, hitting me playfully back.
Afterwhich,
I recieved a message from Clint.
Oh, what does he want NOW?

Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Mysteries to solve.

Chapter fifteen, Mysteries to solve.

Walking to the other side of the class,
Chris motioned me over.
Speaking in a gentle voice,
He enquired, 'Did you and Hellen fight?'
And so I told him,
and he asked what happened.
I told him so.
So he was telling me how obvious it was,
etc etc.
And that was where Hellen came along in our direction.

I didn't gave it much of a thought at first,
but then he placed a gift on my table after break.
Carla was all, Ohhhh this, and Ooooh that.
Saying stuff like,
Eh, he likes you, etc etc.
So it turned out that actually the whole class knew about Hellen and me fighting.
Even Allen.
But still,
why did he act like he didn't know of anything?
And what was Carla anticipating so much for?
She said something like,
I should be with him and bring out his 'manly' side or something.
She has issues..
But then again, so do I.
Carla's been telling me I'm addicted to love.

And I can't help it,
cause of my hormones or something.
Oh, biology.
That's handy.
Allen was talking to me about Chris that night.
Somehow or other,
he's changed my perspective.
And right now,
I wasn't even sure how I felt.
I couldn't understand what my feelings were.
All that I know was that I felt a sense of security, and that I was contented..

Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Stressed.

Chapter 14, stressed.

Looking back at her,
It seemed like it's just happened yesterday.
In fact I didn't know why I still feel so..
Lonely.
Watching her,
pretending it didn't hurt.

Silently,
a tear slipped past and rolled off my cheek.
Why do I end up to be at the losing end?
It was a stupid thing to fight for,
yes it was.
But I thought that this was what I wanted.
And that I can manage.
Looking at Chris,
often smiling at me once he caught my glance.
I'd smile weakly back;
not wanting anyone to know.

The only people that knew about this was..
Carla.
I was fearing Allen would over-worry.
Like he always does.
But then again,
I was supposed to be happy.
But ended up,
she was the one that looked better off without me.
Okay, so I broke out into a fight with Hellen.

I could guess that it was stupid,
but no regrets.
Or maybe I am living with this regret.
I wasn't sure.
And then again,
maybe It's a good thing I left her.
She never made me feel important.
Like she never needed me.

We both have fire signs,
which makes us fiery and hot-tempered.
I guess we weren't destined to be friends;
after all.
But I could tell that she too,
regretted this.
I wonder if this cold wall would ever end.
We've started talking face-to-face,
but that was group work,
of course we'd talk.
I mean, if it were me,
I know I have to do my group work,
but not to not participate.

Right now,
I'm not sure what the whole class thinks of Chris and I.
We've been hanging out..
Pretty much often,
on weekdays and weekends.
But we were never alone.
I guess it's better off as being as friends, huh?
Cause I don't wanna lose a good friend like him if we got attached.
Cause in the end we wouldn't be good friends anymore.

Being bored,
I scanned through the class.
Eddie was fooling around again, and so was Lydia.
And Amy was reading a book as usual..
Carla was.. Sleeping in class.
Allen was..
Well, Allen.
The usual chatting with his group of friends.
Hellen seemed quiet, doodling to pass time.
I stared at my notepad,
full of doodlings and sketches.

I needed something else to do.
I've been drawing for the past few days,
it's getting a little boring.
Furthermore, it makes me feel so anti-social.
Like as if he read my mind,
Chris walked over to my table and asked me if I wanted to join Allen and him.
I looked at Allen,
which he nodded his head, with a smile on his impish cheeks.
I looked at Carla,
and back at my brother.

Oh well, I guess she wouldn't mind me leaving.
Just for a bit.
But I really couldn't feel anything now.
My body felt numb.
Like I couldn't feel my burden anymore.
Could it be that..
I was actually too stressed?

Sunday, June 14, 2009
Problems.

Chapter thirteen, Problems.

After the movie, we went out for tea.
As we all settled down in a small bubbly cafe,
My cellphone rang.
I flipped it open and read the message.
It was from... Ben?

Okay, let me explain.
Ben was an ex-tuition friend of mine,
who's been crushing on me since who-knows-when.
We exchanged numbers before the year end holidays like, 4 years ago.
And he's contacting me now because..?

I stared at the messages in horror,
one after another.
What, why does he want to be my boyfriend?
I don't even want to like, get in a relationship with him!
I guess my facial expression must've looked really freaked out,
cause I attracted stares from my mates.
'Hey, you okay?' Chris asked.
'Umm yeah, sure I'm.. Okay..' I mumbled, still texting.

But Ben didn't give up.
He kept asking and asking,
telling me that he'd changed.
And he even tells me what other things he has done,
like learning to play the guitar,
and being able to sing.
I don't even care, cause I'm not in for looks, but for who people are.
I hated the way he thinks that I was a girl who likes someone for their looks.

And give him a chance?
Why would I?
I mean, I'm tired of giving chances.
Ends up someone always gets hurt.
Unless I had already liked someone in the first place,
that's a different case.
But I'm so sick and tired of dating a guy whom I totally have no feelings for.
Cause I might stupidly fall in love with him,
and then get hurt in the end.

Sure Ben promised he wouldn't hurt me.
Sure Ben said there wouldn't be any hard feelings.
Sure Ben said he'd wait for me to recover from Clint's break up.
Sure Ben everything!

I was just in a state of shock.
No matter how many times I had told him I wasn't interested,
he'd beg and beg me for a chance.
I felt so troubled I couldn't stand it anymore.
'OH SHUT UP!' I practically screamed at my phone.
Then I remembered I wasn't alone.
I looked up to meet the stares of my friends and..
Everyone else.
I felt my cheeks burn.

'Sorry, I wasn't referring to you guys..' I mumbled,
deeply embarrassed.
Everyone nodded their head and continued doing their own thing.
Except Chris.
He swiped my phone up,
just as it was about to ring.
'Hello?' He started.
'Who's this? Ben?' He questioned.
His eyebrows furrowed,
then he looked at me.
'Hang on,' He said to Ben.

'What's going on here?' He asked.
I explained everything to him and he nodded, silencing me.
'Hey you, stop pestering her already, can't you see what you're doing to her?' He started.
Just like Allen.
'If she said she wasn't interested, means she isn't interested,' He continued.
'Who am I?' He asked.
'Hey boyfriend,' He said, blushing slightly.
I stared with my mouth hanging open.
B-b-oyfriend?
Whatever did he mean by boyfriend?!
I didn't even..
At that time, my heart was racing like crazy.
My thoughts about Chris had changed.
Could it be that I've actually.. Fallen for him?!

Thursday, June 11, 2009
Bonding.

Chapter twelve, bonding.

'Haley, wanna go to the movies?' Chris asked.
I shot him a confused look.
'With, the rest of the group.' He added on, his eyes straying.

'Ummm, did you ask Allen along?' I asked.
'Yeah.. About that..' He said, scratching his head.
'Haley, don't drag Allen into this, Chris just wanna spend some quality time together,'
Alina whispered in my ear.
I felt my cheeks burn.
Oh gosh, please don't let him see me blushing.
'Are you blushing?' Chris asked.
'What? No! Of course not,' I said,
my cheeks started burning more.
I heard him chuckle.

The next day,
I went to Alina's house.
'Let's see..' She said, rummaging through her closet.
'This would do,' She said, holding up a piece of clothing.
'You gotta be kidding me. Why would I be wearing a dress to go out with you guys?'
I commented.
She just grinned evilly.

'Now, change!' She said, pushing the dress to me.
'What-must I?' I asked, pouting.
She nodded her head and pushed me into the toilet.
I rolled my eyes, closing the door.
'I'm just gonna try this on, but I'm not wearing it there.'
I said, sulking away.
After I came out,
she pulled me into her room.
'Stay still,' She said.
She then started giving me a makeover.

After she was done, I stared into my mirror.
'No way..' I gasped in horror.
'Well, I'll get the door.' she said, leaving me to grief over what she did.
'Haley, mind coming over for a sec?' She called over.
Sure.. Why mustn't I?
I dragged my legs across the hallway,
and stopped dead in my tracks.
Why was Chris here?!
'Hey Haley, over here,' Alina teased,
looking at my horror-masked face.

'Haley, is that you?' Chris asked.
'Alina made me do it!' I stammered.
He hi-fived Alina.
'Great job,' He said.
Alina just smiled.

'Let's get going then,' Alina said, jostling the two of us from the back.
'Ohhh brother..' I moaned.
We then went to the theatre to meet the others;
Kim, Nick, Rex, Alice and Hellen.
Kim seemed nice; She was Rex's sister.
I hope nothing happens during the movie..
I prayed silently to myself.
Well, I guess I'd find out soon..

Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Surprises up ahead.

Chapter eleven, surprises up ahead.

'Haley!' Chris called, jogging behind me.
'Huh?' I turned around, facing him.
'You uhhh, dropped this.' He said, handing me a bouquet of flowers.
'Umm Chris?' I said, staring at the garden he'd brought.
'You know, there's no way I could've dropped that.' I said, kicking on the floor.

'Umm well, then I guess you'll have to take it then,' He said, handing me the bouquet.
'But it doesn't even belong to me,' I said, placing my fingertip on the wrapping,
pushing it away from my face.
He let go, and the bouquet fell.
I stared in horror,
and he picked it back up.
'Now that you've dropped it, would you mind taking it back?'
He said flashing a smile.

I couldn't help but laugh at his character.
He turned back after I had took the roses from him.
'Umm Chris?' I asked.
'What's up?' He said, looking back.
'What are these for?' I asked, yet again.
'Isn't it obvious? I need you to help deliver those flowers to a girl,' He said, walking away.
Girl? What girl? He didn't say anything about-
I looked at a heart-shaped card, poking out of the forest of roses.
Mmmm right..

'To: Haley.'
I read out aloud.
I laughed to myself before I knew it.
Chris was always like that.

Nick came from my back, and tapped my shoulder.
I was putting the bouquet into my locker.
'What gives?' I asked, closing the locker door.
'Umm wait, what was that bouquet about?' He asked, noticing a rose sticking out of my door.
'Umm that? Chris sorta.. Gave me the whole lot,' I said, stumbling on the word 'Chris'.
'Ohh.. I see.. Chris.. Gave it to you..' He said, his expression softening.
'Well in that case, I guess I'd be going, then..' Nick said,
bouncing his basketball away.

'Ahhh Haley, there's just so many things you don't know,' Alina said,
walking out from behind the wall.
'What are you talking about?' I asked, confused.
'Oh my gosh, it's so obvious, can't you tell?' She asked.
I shook my head, still looking rather confused.
'Haley, Haley, Haley..' Alina said, placing her hands on my shoulders.
'Look at Nick,' She said, gesturing to the silhouette of the guy that just left.
'Did you see the look on his face?' She said.
'He looked.. Hurt.' I said.
She nodded and went, 'Go on..'
'About what?' I asked, my eyes widening.

She slapped her forehead.
'He,' She said, grabbing hold of my cheeks and facing me to the direction,
'Loves.. You.' She said, turning my face to meet her gaze.
'What?! No! I mean, you must be pulling my leg, there's no way-'
I stuttered, mumbling here and there.
'Surprises, girl. There are always plenty of them. Just.. Do the right thing, okay?'
She said, walking to the basketball court.

Nick had feelings for me?
And Chris likes me, too.
Ohhhh man.. This is gonna be hard.
If I fell for either one of them,
the other one would get hurt.
If I don't do anything about this,
they're still gonna be disappointed.
Ohh brother..

I took my bag and headed to the canteen.
'HALEY!' Carla exclaimed, grabbing me from the back,
and pulled me into the classroom with her.
I almost screamed if she hadn't stopped me.
'What the naninshigan were you thinking?!' I exclaimed.
'Are you gonna fall for either one of them?' She asked sternly.
'Whaaa? I don't know where you're leading me to-' I said, but she cut me off.
'Remember? Crush = Trouble?' She said.
I brushed her hands away from my shoulders.
'I know what I'm doing,' I said, looking away.

Carla backed away, and put her hands on her forehead.
'There's just so much you don't know about..' She mumbled.
'But I can learn,' I said.
'You'll never know. It always ends up with someone getting hurt.'
She said, looking at me.
'I won't let it affect me that much,' I said.
'How would the others take it? Have you ever thought about that?'
Carla asked, looking at me.
She was crying.. I've never seen her cry before.
'Carla, I know I've caused enough worries for-'
I said, but she silenced me.

'I need some time to think,' She said.
'Are you sure you're gonna be fine?' I asked.
'Yeah. You can like, umm. Go out now.' She said, gesturing to the door.
'Sure..' I said, getting to my feet.
'Don't do anything rash,' I reminded her before I closed the door behind me.

Dreams.

Chapter ten, Dreams.

'Umm Chris?' I asked.
'Yeah?' He answered.
'Well, I just wanted to know if Allen had said anything to-'
I said, but I got cut off.
'Hang on, I've got a call,' Chris said.
'Umm, sure. I'd wait.' I said, fiddling with my hair.

'Chris, what did you do to her?' was Allen's voice,
coming from the hallway.
'Are you sure? I know you love her, but-'
What? What naninshigan was he talking about?
'Yeah, but I'm warning you. If you ever, ever, ever hurt her, you'll have to pay.'
'No, I'm not being jealous. You know that.'
'Huh, umm sure, yeah. Bye.' Allen said, his voice drifting.

'Sorry I took so long,' Chris said.
I snapped out of it.
'Huh, umm yeah it's okay.'
After talking to Chris, it was time to head for bed.
Well, I guess I'd be taking the sofa instead of the bed.
I walked slowly to the door and reached out for my doorknob.
But before I did, there was a knock on the door.

'Haley?' Allen asked, unsure.
I felt so confused, so I just kept quiet.
'Haley, I know you're in there and I just want you to know that .. I'm sorry.'
He said. I could feel him lean against the door and sliding his back against the door.
'I just.. Lost my cool. I mean, I just couldn't help it. I mean, Chris! I-I.. Chris was..'
He said, trailing off.
'I know how you feel,' I said without thinking.
I opened the door slowly, and helped him to his feet.
Well, I guess I'm off to bed now, I said, lying down on my bed.

Two months, and yet I wasn't over Clint.
Right after we broke up, he went to stead his ex girlfriend again.
And after he broke up,
he went to stead this stranger girl who he doesn't even know.
And then he steaded with this girl who didn't accept him the last time he'd asked.
Right now, he's asking Hellen to be his girlfriend.

He's such a doofus,
who'd ever date him?
I mean, Hellen, who's my girlfriend,
who was with us when we were dating,
do you think she'd be your girlfriend?
No, it'll be absurd.

But recently, Chris has been appearing in my dreams.
I didn't know why, but it somehow managed to help me get over Clint after some time.

Sometimes I'd sit up on my bed and wonder,
what's the hidden meaning behind those dreams.
And then again, I thought it wouldn't matter as long as I was getting over him.

Confusion.

Chapter nine, confusion.

I looked at the questions on my exam papers,
but what I saw weren't the questions,
but all the flashbacks.

I just couldn't concentrate on my exam paper.
Things just wasn't the same like before.
Everything seemed so bleak; lifeless.
Like nothing else seemed to interest me anymore.

The days flew past ever so slowly.
It has been a month already,
and I still couldn't get over him.
But I was grateful my friends were there for me.
Especially Allen.

The second month came, and yet nothing changes.
One day, my class came up with a class gathering.
But the thing was,
it was so far away,
and we were unfamiliar with the location.
So I decided that we could meet up and go there together.
Chris, Allen's childhood friend,
had asked to meet up with him, so it was only Hellen, Carla and I.

Our class pillow fought, watched movies,
and had water bomb sessions.
We practically did all that we could, even treasure hunting.

But then when the fun ended,
I looked around but Carla, Hellen, and Allen was no where to be found.
I saw Chris up ahead, with Alina, Rex, Nick and Alice.
I walked up to Chris and asked him where Allen was.
He told me that he had left, along with some other friends he'd meet up on the street.

What, he left?
But I don't even know how to go home!
I knew panicking was of no use,
so I decided to ask where Chris was going.

'Near applewood street, umm, near the mall.' He replied.
Applewood? At least that's familiar.
'Do you mind if I come along? I umm.. Have no idea how to go home,'
I said sheepishly.
He discussed with his friends, and then turned around to me and said I could follow.

I followed them awkwardly,
out of our teacher's house's porch.
We hired cabs, and I was being stuck with Nick and Chris.
It felt awkward; I've never been alone with two guys before.
So I guess it was pretty quiet there and then.
So Nick started striking a conversation,
and we all started talking to each other.

Chris asked if I wanted to join them for dinner,
but I declined.
He'd asked for around three times, but I thought that it would be awkward,
and I'd be an extra.
He reassured me that I wouldn't be an extra,
and so I agreed.
I didn't have nothing interesting to do at home, anyway.

And so all of us met up again and walked to the pizza parlour.
We talked here and there,
and I felt pretty happy.
I've never felt like I had belonged.
And yet here I felt that I wasn't left out.
After two hours of walking around,
it was time to head home.
We all said our goodbyes,
and I boarded the bus home.

After I closed the door behind me,
Allen came down the stairs.
'You went out with Chris?' He asked.
'Yeah.. And his bunch of friends.' I replied, looking at him.
'Why didn't you come home?' He asked, eyeing me with this expression that I hadn't seen before.
'I didn't know how to, I mean, I thought you knew!' I said.
His expression turned cold.
'It's not safe for you to go out at this time of the night, it's already 11!'
He practically hollered at me.

Why is he being so cold and pushy?
'I'm not young anymore, so why are you acting like I can't take care of myself?!'
I screamed, running up the stairs.
'Sisters!' He shouted, banging his fists on the table.
I shut the door behind me; I just didn't understand.
It seemed to me that Allen didn't want me to spend time with Chris.
But why?
Could it be that he was actually..
Jealous?

My cellphone rang.
'Hello?' I answered, my voice still shaky from the crying.
'Hey Haley, it's me, Chris. You okay?' He asked.
Chris? Why is he talking to me?
What makes me more confused was; how did he get my number?

Monday, June 8, 2009
The break up.

Chapter eight, Tears.

This morning, I walked to school a little more chirpier than normal.
Allen stopped me, and asked me just this one thing.
'Are you sure he's worth it? I don't think he's a good person.'
I just looked at him and smiled.
'People might change for the better,' I had said.

Clint walked past, but he didn't even say anything.
Maybe he's just having a bad day..
I walked to class and prepared myself for the coming exams.
There was the sleeping part again, and the fiddling of pens.
I just couldn't stand the boredom.
I laid my head on the table,
and tried to fall asleep.

After the paper, I walked home with Allen.
We exchanged questions on the paper,
and blabbered on and on.
Lunch was served and we started eating at the dining table.
After that, Allen and I dragged our bags upstairs to our room.

Once we were up there,
We jumped right into bed.
At that instant, my cellphone rang.
I picked it up and flipped it open.

A message from Clint.

'Can we break up?' The message read.

He's breaking up with me?!
What, why?!

At that instant,
my heart sank to the bottom.
Allen sensed something was wrong,
so he came over and sat right beside me.
Allen looked at the horrified girl beside him,
staring into space with saucer-wide eyes and her mouth hanging open.

After five minutes of voices screaming in my head,
I replied him with one word.
'Why?'
How could he do this to me?
I thought I should have..
'Just wanna break up,' was his reply.

That was the last straw.
I flung myself on my bed,
hugging my pillow and sobbing to myself.

And I had given him a chance,
then I stupidly fell in love with him.
And now, he's crushing me by saying he wants a break up?!

I laid there sobbing for exactly one hour,
and then I sat up,
and sniffed onto a tissue.
I probably looked like a goldfish now,
but I didn't care.
Without hesitation,
Allen hugged me.

Those tears started to fall again.
I flung my arms around my brother,
and began bawling.
'Cry it all out,' He told me.
That, I did.
I practically cried until there was no more tears left for me to cry.
And then I sat up straight.
Allen was looking at me with those eyes,
as if saying now that you've done crying, could you tell me what's going on?

'Hang on,' I said.
'Okay, let's break up then.' I messaged Clint.
Then I showed Allen the message he sent me.
His reaction totally caught me off guard.
He stood upright, flipped my cellphone,
and dialled in Clint's number.

Once Clint picked up,
there was all the screaming and shouting from Allen.
'Why are you doing this to her?! You claimed you loved her, but I bet you don't even know what love is.'
'Oh yeah? I bet you don't even feel anything for her, you just treat her like a accessory. Let me get this straight. NO ONE MESSES WITH MY SISTER. You hear me? She is no toy of yours, so keep your liar supply shut. You're breaking up with her? Well, let me tell you this. HOW PATHETIC IS IT TO BREAK UP THROUGH MESSAGING? And you didn't even deserve to dump her. She was supposed to dump you! I don't know what you've been doing to her, but she definitely had a hard fall. And if you think-'

I couldn't stand it anymore. I placed my hands on my ears, and shut my eyes.
I couldn't bear to hear what Allen was saying to Clint.
I stood up, and placed my hands on Allen's arm.
'Stop.. Don't do this anymore,' I mumbled, tears streaming down my face.
I wasn't sure if Clint could hear me, but Allen hung up immediately.
He placed his out stretched hand on my shoulder.
'These type of guys, doesn't deserve a girl like you. You shouldn't stand up for him,'
He had said.

That night,
I couldn't fall asleep.
At least I had Allen to break my fall.
I turned around to face my brother,
who was already asleep.
'Thank you,' I whispered.

Anniversary.

Chapter seven, anniversary.

Our anniversary came slowly,
but I tried my best to be patient with it.

I woke up, feeling chirpy and confident.
I gobbled down my breakfast, and impatiently waited for Allen to finish his.
I skipped and jumped, on the pavilion that led us to our front gates.
'What's wrong with you today?' Allen asked, rolling his eyes.
'What's wrong with you today, he asks, ohhh you wouldn't know,'
I said, twirling around on my toes,
obviously still fantasizing.
'Pffft, Girls..' Allen mumbled, rolling his eyes once more.

'Happy anniversary baby,' Clint messaged.
I've told him how many times before,
I hated pet names.
And yet he had to call me one.
But I was too happy to let that affect my mood.

One and a half hour seemed to drag past ever so slowly.
I flipped through my exam paper,
with not much interest.
With nothing much left to do,
I just laid my head on the table and drifted to sleep.

After school, Clint told me to meet him at the park.
With Hellen and Allen by my side,
we walked to the park together.

Allen started joining his friends for a basketball game at the basketball court,
and it was just Hellen and I.
He was still with his friends under the shelter.
I paced about on the pavilion a few miles away.
He always does this to me.

Soon after, I could sense him coming for the nicotine could be smelt.
I spun around on my heels, and there he was, carrying my bag,
and his arm on my shoulder, nudging me forward.
Hellen took her bag and walked us ahead, and bid farewell.

Two of his friends were with him, then.
Suddenly, I was lagging behind them.
I felt so left out, I felt like running home.
That was when he turned around and grabbed my hand.
I looked away, blushing.
He, on the other hand, just walked alongside.

While nearing the shop,
I complained many other girls were staring,
and he let go.
Soon after we headed to the bus-stop,
and he sat down with a bunch of his friends.

I just stood where I was,
facing his direction.
I could feel the stares of other girls on my back.
I just kept quiet.

After feeling so left out for a few minutes,
the bus came and we hopped aboard.
We reached his house half an hour later.

In the lift, he cornered me.
I just looked away.
After some time, the door opened, and we walked to the corridor.
We ate lunch together,
and watched television.

After some time,
the house was pretty quiet.
He looked at me, and hugged me.
I stared, but I knew he always did this.
'Can I kiss you?' He asked.
I widened my eyes in horror.
No, I didn't want to.
Not yet.
I wasn't even ready.
I had always wanted to save my first kiss for someone more worthy;
not him.

I pushed him away, muttering I didn't know how.
He threatened to slit his wrists,
and I looked away.
He started rummaging the drawer for a penknife,
and held it in front of his wrist.

I grabbed the penknife, looking at him.
He leaned forward, thinking I would give in.
I looked away.
'Be that way!' He said.
He hoisted the knife higher,
but I held onto his hand, asking him to stop.

How many times, the same procedure happened,
I didn't count.
I complained and said I didn't know how to do it,
he said he'd initiate the kiss.
He leaned forward, but I backed out.
He told me to close my eyes,
and I squeezed my eyes shut.

He leaned forward,
but I looked down.
He then hoisted my chin up,
but I looked away.

He was irritated,
and he took the knife again.
After a good 10 minutes of trying,
he pulled my chin closer,
and kissed my lips.

It felt good.
It felt addictive.
But I didn't want it.
I didn't need it, either.

I could feel his cigarette breath,
inhaling it, but for once, I didn't mind.
In fact, I felt like I needed more.

So we were on the sofa,
watching television.
Once in awhile, his grandmother would open the door and look at us,
and proceed back to her room.
Every now and then,
he'll lean in and kiss me.

And there was my cue to go home.
It was six o'clock already?
He walked me downstairs to the bus stop,
where we waited for the bus.
After a long time of waiting and preventing him from kissing me in public,
the bus-oh thank heavens, came.
We bid farewell and I boarded the bus.

I could smell the nicotine on my clothes, on my skin, on my hair,
and I knew I was attracting stares, but I didn't mind for once.
Cause I knew it was Clint's scent.

That night,
I couldn't stop thinking how his kisses felt.
Warm, moist, soft..

Sunday, June 7, 2009
Fantasizing.

Chapter six, fantasizing.

How many times have I went to his house;
I've lost count.
And now that Hellen couldn't come,
I decided to go alone.

Although I took the initiative of holding my textbook in front of my face,
he was the one who disturbed me.
How many times,
I've asked him to concentrate,
he just wouldn't.

Maybe I should stop coming over.
What's the point if I can't study at all?

But I backed out again.
I ended coming to his house day after day.
This time, Hellen was with me.
We were seated on the floor,
when Clint came out from his room,
holding a small piece of metal.

Carefully, he wrapped the metal around my hand,
and latched it.

A bracelet.

Oh, it even has his initial engraved on it.
I couldn't help but to smile to myself.

Day after day, I would go to his house.
We'd eat lunch together, watch television,
and slack off. I started wondering if our anniversary would be special.

He would definitely not do anything special.
Maybe, just maybe,
we'll go to the movies together.
Maybe we'd hold hands in the cinema.
If only it could be as romantic as that.

Well, only the day itself would reveal the surprises.
I guess I'd just have to wait, then.
Oh Haley, stop fantasizing already.

That night, being all warm and snuggled up beside Allen,
I drifted to sleep,
with the sweetest dream ever.
Of Clint and I together,
spending forever together.

Should I end this?

Chapter five, should I end this?

I kept looking at Clint,
who was with his bunch of friends under the shelter nearby.
What's the meaning of this?

Obviously, his 'friends' mean more to him.

He didn't even once look at my direction.
So this was what he meant by joining him?!
I'm not gonna waste my time here,
waiting for nothing.
I picked up my bag, and with Allen and Hellen by my side,
we left the park.

Right after I entered the doorstep of my house,
was a message from Clint.
'where are you?' he asked.
'At home,' I replied.

He didn't even notice till the last minute.

'Sorry,' he apologised.
How many times has this happened already?
If he thinks he can do the same old thing again,
time after time, and then apologise, think again.
When you apologise, you're supposed to learn from your mistake,
and not do the same mistake again.

He doesn't even bother to change for his sake.

Sometimes I wondered if he truly knows what love is.
Day after day, the same scenario happens.

When will this ever end?

Maybe I should end this.
It doesn't seem to be working out well for me.
My friends has been telling me to tell him about it.
So what if he knows about it?
Would he care at all?
No, I doubt so.

How many times have I entertained the thought of breaking up.
But then again, I wanted to give him more chances.
I wanted to change him.
Who knows if he would change.
It'll be better, then.
And I'll have a sense of achievement, too.

'You free tomorrow?' He asked. 'I guess, why?' I replied.
'Can you come over?' He asked again.
'Maybe,' I said. This went on for another five minutes.
'Will Hellen be coming?' He asked.

What, why does he keep asking for Hellen's accompany?
I was jealous, yes I was.
I mean, he never made me feel special.
Even though I'm known as his girlfriend,
and he gives me pet names that I don't like at all,
I never felt that he loved me.
I just felt used.
Like he was using me to show off to his friends.
Compared to Hellen,
I felt that Hellen was being more of the girlfriend.
Sure he hugged me.
Sure we held hands.
But that was when we were alone.
Even when Hellen wasn't there,
it seems like he'd-

His voice interrupted my thoughts.
'Haley?' He asked.
I snapped out of it.
'Huh?' I answered.
'Is Hellen coming?' He asked again.

Oh god, not again.
I felt like kicking that ass of his.
You call this love?
But then again, why do I love him?

'Why don't you ask her yourself?' I answered,
slightly irritated.
He was quiet for awhile.
Then I decided to ask him why he always asked if Hellen could tag along.
'Cause you said you couldn't come over if she doesn't?' He asked.

Oh for Pete's sake, what kind of lame excuse is that?
You just wanna hit on the two girls, don't ya?
I've heard enough.

I made a pathetic excuse and hung up the phone.
'Why, he hung up on you?' Allen asked.
'Nah, the other way round.' I said,
pillow covering my face.

Should I really end this?
Is it what I really want in the first place?

Many times, I've wanted to say this to him,
'If you love her accompany so much, why not stead with her instead?'
But I kept quiet.
But why couldn't I just say it to his face?
Sure he'll get angry,
sure he'll find me petty.
But that's just who I am.

Saturday, June 6, 2009
study date.

Chapter four, study date.

During recess, Clint came to look for me.
Since the exams were nearing, he asked if I could go to his house and study.
I told him I would ask for my mother's approval first.
He then nodded and left.

I asked if Carla could come along with me.
But she seemed somewhat pissed.
'Don't you go to his house, you'll never know what would happen.', she said.
I don't know why, but she doesn't seem to approve of us dating.
But she didn't want to follow.

I asked Hellen, and she agreed.
Allen wanted to come along, just to make sure I was okay.
I agreed anyway.
Funny thing was, Clint didn't seem to mind.
I was starting to wonder if he really cared at all.

We all sat together, reading our textbooks.
He didn't try anything, except for sneaking and hugging me from my back.
Other than that, it was studying gone serious.

When dusk arrived, we all packed our things.
Clint then brought us to the bus stop, where we all took a bus and went home.
Immediately, he messaged me, saying he missed me.
I kept quiet, knowing that I too, missed him as well.

The night seemed to pass by ever so slowly.
I just couldn't wait to see him again.
Maybe he isn't that bad of a person.
Maybe, just maybe.
Maybe giving him a chance wasn't such a bad idea after all.

But still, why did Carla seem to object of him so strongly?
Like they were natural born enemies,
like they were the same poles of a magnet..

Could it be that, she was actually jealous?
But it couldn't be, could it?
I bet she just did it for my own good.
Yes, so stop thinking so much.

Thursday, June 4, 2009
Feelings.

Chapter three, Feelings.

The following Monday,
he didn't come to school, yet again.
Not long after, I figured out that he doesn't go to school on Mondays.

Being in school seemed so...
Lonely.
Three times that day,
Carla asked if I was okay.
I nodded my head meekly.

It started raining on the last period,
and the rain didn't stop ever since.
As we walked out of class,
Allen placed his jacket over my shoulders.
I looked up at him, and he smiled.
'Thanks,' I said.
He just nodded his head.

We walked home together,
without a single utter.

Somehow, I wasn't hungry during dinner.
'I'm going to bed,' I said to mum.
My family watched me as I walked up the flight of carpeted stairs,
and disappearing into the corridor.
I closed the door behind me, and sat on my bed.

My gaze focused on the window,
and to the outside world.
Silly girl, I thought.
Why am I so depressed, anyway?

That was when I realised how much I missed Clint.
I turned to face the dark corner of my room.
How can I fall for a guy like him so fast?!
I was almost on the verge of tears,
until I was interrupted by a knock on the door.
I hurriedly laid on my bed, with my back facing the door.

'Come in,' I said.
The door creaked open,
and the shuffle of feet could be heard against the wooden floors.
Allen laid beside me, his back facing mine.
'Hey, you okay?' He asked.
I nodded my head, while a silent tear rolled down my cheek,
lucky enough not to be noticed.

Allen then turned off the bedside lamp,
and the whole room grew dark.
After some time, we both fell asleep.

before dance.

Chapter two, before dance.

Clint was absent from school on Friday.
As he was sick,
I messaged him to get well.

After a few periods, he replied.
'Can you meet me after school?'
Shocked as I was, I told him I had dance after school.
He told me it was just for a short while.
He persuaded and persuaded.

Gosh, why today?
And why does he wanna meet up so badly?
And, if he was sick,
he should rest at home.
Not run around the neighbourhood smoking cigars.
Was he even sick at all?
Or did he just want my sympathy?

Anyway, right after school,
Carla and Helen accompanied me to the block near our school.
Allen was.. Well, he's free to roam,
since he didn't have anything after school.

I don't know why Carla followed me, though.
She doesn't support us being together.
Maybe she just wanna make sure I'm okay.

When we reached there,
I saw him leaning against a wall facing my direction,
smoking away while talking to a big bunch of other guys.
'What the hell, why'd he bring so many friends along?'
Carla and Hellen exclaimed.
I just stared at the hell that awaited me.

I walked uncertainly towards Clint,
my steps getting smaller and smaller.
That was when his gaze met mine.
He still didn't budge at all.

Oh, how convenient.
Does he expect me to walk over to him,
where like, more than 10 people are surrounding him?
No way.

Nearing the block,
the wind blew the cigar's smell.
My hand shot up immediately,
pinching my nose in disgust.
He didn't even take the initiative to come over.

Oh, too cool to move from your position?
You asked me to come over,
but I don't see the point.
You didn't seem to need me at all,
nor did it even seem urgent.

So we made our way back to school.
Allen came and joined us for lunch.
We all sat in the canteen,
eating quietly.
I couldn't help to notice the concerned look on Allen's face.
He constantly checked my expression,
and continued eating.
Well, he couldn't help but to worry.

Since young, he would always be on the lookout,
and pick me off my feet when I had a hard fall.
He's everything a sister would've wished for.

After lunch, Allen said he would be at the library,
for he would be studying.
So Carla, Hellen and I went to change into our dance attire;
a tee-shirt and tights, with a pair of fbt over the tights.

Not long after,
was another message from Clint.
'Sorry,' He apologised.
I let out a sigh and laid my phone on my bag.
Now, it's time for dance,
no distractions from Clint.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009
The start of a relationship.

Chapter one, the start of a relationship.

'Come on, just give me a chance,' was the message of the guy that claims he loved me.
'Give me more time, I hardly know you.' was my reply.
Gosh, why is he so persistent? I thought.
School has been different lately.

Oh, I forgot to mention.
My name is Haley.
I have a twin brother named Allen,
and I guess we get along very well.
I am quite emotional sometimes,
and I have occasional mood swings from time to time.
My 'sister', Carla,
mentioned that I am charmed by love.
Maybe, maybe not.
She's a dear friend to me,
we've grown up together since we were young.

I live by the beach,
so it's quite convenient for a swim to cool myself down.

Recently, I have met this guy from school, named Clint.
He has been asking me for dates, but I said I needed some time.
But I've been slightly irritated at him.
I mean, he's all famous in school and all,
but I don't want to feel like if I accept him,
I'm only doing it so I can be popular.

It's been only a day,
and yet he keeps asking me if I have developed any feelings for him.
Well, of course not.
I hated the way he thinks that I'm some easy bait or something.

But I gave in after a few days.
I just had the guilty conscious in me, and I couldn't help it.
So I thought, why don't I give him a chance?
Everyone deserves one, right?
Right after I accepted,
he told all his friends that we were going steady.
No, we weren't.
We were only dating.
And I made him promise not to tell anyone.
Irritated as I was, I kept it to myself,
thinking that I would break up with him soon enough.

The very next day, I was with my friends,
Carla, Hellen, Chris and of course, my brother, Allen.
Actually, we were talking about Clint.
Since I didn't know how he looked like,
my friends described his looks to me.
That was when I saw a boy, about my age,
with messy ash brown hair,
and eyes like the stars.
He was looking at me as he passed, smiling.
I couldn't help but to stare back.
'Who is he?' I asked, my gaze, locked on him.
'That's.. Well, Clint.' Hellen said in a matter of fact way.

Okay, so what if he looks good?
I am not in for looks, though that is every girl's dream.
So he's cute, so he's handsome.
I'm not gonna get like, all mesmerised by him cause of that.
So what if he is popular?
I'm not in for popularity.

'Let's get to class,' Allen said,
rolling his eyes while grabbing my bag off my shoulders,
with the rest of the group laughing.

Prolouge.

Prologue.

If only he could feel the pain that I feel.
If only he knew what love is.
If only he would realise.
If only he'd come back.

One last chance,
one last kiss,
one last dance,
one last tear..

Would time heal her wounds?
Read on to find out.

Storyboard:
(main characters.)
Haley, a fragile teenager, who loves to hang out with her friends.

Allen, Haley's twin brother. Loves to protect Haley. Strong, charming, loves sports.

Carla, Haley's most trusted childhood friend. She is always there for her, and they go through thick and thin together.

Clint, the player of hearts.

Haley and Allen's group of friends.

Alina, Usually supplies the jokes. She is very open and loves to have fun.

Alice, more of a listener. She would usually lend a listening ear, and if possible, a helping hand.

Hellen, loves to kick back and relax. She doesn't really love sports.

Rex, very efficient in supplying information, and organising things.

Chris, Allen's buddy. He too loves sports, and enjoys spending time with his friends.

Nick, has a charming personality, loves to be around his mates.